Landon Porter

Its funny, my attention span allows me to spends hours at night whist I should be sleeping breaking code and making changes to my theme… though I cant find the time to write???

Part of the problem is I am constrained in what I write here… due to a watcher. So the many things I like to write about may be questioned even though writing about something and doing it are two very different things…

This “under the thumb thing is for the birds”.

However, this does not mean I can not plan for when the only one looking over my shoulder is the twins, you know, the one with wings and a halo and the other with a tale.

Biding my time, doing my part, paying for my miss deeds. My life is a trip. I always get what I want, if that means I must wait a bit longer so be it, yes, so mote it be.

The trick is to do so in a way that keeps me from becoming bitter… and thats tough at times.

need an example? I will take home almost $20,000.00 in November, yet keep nothing more than whats absolutely necessary to feed my kids, put enough gas in my car to hear it sputter the day before I get paid next… Im not complaining. I have legitimately built and lost a fortune, and I shall do it again.

I have made mistakes in my past, I bit off way more than I could chew once, couldn’t put the back end together for lack of experience and the one with horns and a tail made sure I had not a drop left… if your gonna crash go big.

Any way, I have more of somethings than most realize and less of others than be explained. I will do what I must and when this task is complete I will build another fortune and this time I will be able to keep it.

So, I got the effing flu. not feeling very well at the moment, if poor grammar and vulgarity bother you come back in 3 months and read my next post…Im sure I will feel fantastic then.

So, the flu – H1N1, which loosely translates into: fucked up, bullshit science directed by government to weed out the sick from the slave force. Oops, did I write that? Before I get too “out there” and “conspiracy theory” on you I will point out one thing.

If you think this world we are living in is as they present it, I welcome your conscious awakening and maybe you should find a rabbit role and jump in with both feet like you did when you were ten.

oh, and by the way, this is my space to express my ideas – not a soap box or alter to preach from. So if you dont like what I have to say then use the exit button in the top corner, don’t post, don’t comment just go away.

now then, with the “I dont care to argue, banter, fight or debate disclaimer out of the way… lets, shall we?

How do we get from species separation in illness to experimenting with the natural “order” of only the strong survive? By that I mean to query, if the biology that nature herself has implemented to force the next, best, strongest to continue her master plan moving forward and creating stronger more resilient and beautiful animals (us included) who the fuck thought it would be a good idea to take pieces of her arsenal and genetically manipulate it and use it as a weapon???

More over, what kind of people would create such awful viruses like HIV, bird flu, and anything of the like???

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RnSX_jS0STA

http://community-2.webtv.net/LikingLArry/IsTheAIDSVirusMan/

http://www.newdawnmagazine.com/articles/SARS,%20Bioterrorism%20and%20the%20Media.html

http://conservativexpress.blogspot.com/2009/04/investigative-journalist-swine-flu-man.html

http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2008/11/synthetic-virus/

You dont see it and you cant fathom it… you have no idea.  Stay stuck in your own little vantage point, thinking you know all.  The only thing that never changes is the fact that everything always changes.  When I am done with this little challenge, you will still have the bland, awful, slave like existence you call life… you’d be lucky to get outta life alive – and that cant happen when you’re already dead.

Lately I have had so many things going I have become frustrated and that nasty little feeling almost always makes me step back and look below the surface of what I “think” is going on.

This time I surprised myself, I am doing things and starting things that don’t truly fit into my true desires.  So, what the hell do I do about that now?

Some of you may know about some of the “projects” I have going on… I have over stuffed my plate, and that sucks!  I know exactly what I want and yet I have allowed “doing” to get in the way of that.

To an extent its ok, we learn from our mistakes right?   Besides, I havent fully involved myself yet with one major project that would consume (in my mind) a lot of my time.  Notice I said “yet”… I may eventually jump into it but for now I am going to let it percolate.

Another “thing” that I have done is to split up my interests into “main themes” and set up my online presence accordingly, this too has become cumbersome as it requires two or thee times as many posts to keep things fresh – and that just isn’t working in accordance with what my heart wants.

So, what is it that my heart wants?

I want to have free time to enjoy all my little hobbies if and when I want to enjoy them.

I want the ability to “take off” for a week and not have to “ok” it with a following or a boss or really anyone.

I want to do what I want when I want without being depended on by others, excluding my woman, the kids and our animals.

Im an underground affiliate and that works in accordance with what I want because I can step away from any campaign for at least a month or two with little or no adverse effect.

I want to be able to unplug when I feel like it… and this all leads me to rethinking the basis of my online brand .

And what about my other main site?  It has many more benefits as a stand alone site than it does by merging it with this one, the problem is time and consistency.  So, if you cant tell I am undecided in what I should do about it.

Any ideas?  What are your thoughts or opinions?

Ash graduated!!! and we had a pig roast – it was one hellofa party.  Im in love. Im happy.  Im content.  Im a partner in this life with someone who is in it with both feet, and she understands me… well, she understands that I am me.

We roasted a pig this weekend, had about 100 people over both days and neither of us got hammered and spent the night on the bathroom floor.  This brings two main thoughts to mind.

1. OH MY GOD, IM GROWN UP!

2. OH MY GOD, IM GROWN UP!

Actually, I cant remember the last time I spent the night on the kitchen floor.

I had a great effin time this weekend, thanks to everyone who made it out!  And congrats on your achievement baby, I’m proud of you!

Life’s a bitch… she used to say when she was not herself.  We all have skeletons in our closets and I tend to keep mine locked up.

I have so many wonderful things going on right now yet one of the most difficult things I’ve ever dealt with has come up again.  “Its all in the contrast” I keep saying to myself. Its the contrast that helps us see how good the good things really are, when we have something so terrible to compare it with.

Strangely enough I am finding myself at a place I never thought I would be, letting go of the root of this issue in so much as realizing I cant fix anything outside of myself and my own actions.

I love you so very much.  And you are completely right, we aren’t on the same page anymore.  If you aren’t going to do whats necessary to care for yourself there is little rational in me being all fucked up about it.

I hope you find your “right mind”.